Labradors are fun loving super friendly get along with everything doggos, right? Usually, yes. But that is not the case with Basil, my 89 pound brown lab. I got him from a friend in 2016 when he was 2 years old. She had rescued him as a puppy from what turned out to be a very unscrupulous breeder. She had began training him as a service dog, but the scars from his puppy days proved to be too deep. Word was that he was used as a "bait dog". A dog that is tied up and used as a target of attack to teach other dogs how to fight. Whether or not that is the case, he proved to not interact well with other dogs. He will not initiate any aggression with other dogs, but he does not tolerate other dogs entering his personal space. Which is why my friend had to find another home for him. Otherwise, he is a beautiful and well behaved man's best friend. I take him for rides, and he loves to play with one of his ball toys, and takes one everywhere he goes. He is leash trained very well, so the main problem when I take him on walks is other dogs and their owners who insist that it would be cute if their little micro dog come up and play with Basil - almost totally disregarding mine or Basil's body language that he doesn't want to play. After a few years, I think I finally got the point across to most of my neighbors. Basil does not want to play with your little fluff poodle.
Then the other day, I noticed something more. We started our morning walk - and came by the neighbor and his dog. I said my normal greetings, Basil gave the other dog a wide birth, and picked up his pace, reeling out the retractable leash to it's full extent. We got to the corner about to turn, as the neighbor met up with another walker and dog. those two dogs immediately started playing together and chasing each other. Basil stopped in his tracks, dropped his ball and began to quietly whimper as he watched them frolic. The look in his eye..standing at a distance, tail wagging with a slight delay of shyness. I recognized it instantly. He wanted to play with the others but didn't know quite how.
I recognized his look because I have lived the look most of my life. I remember so many times as a kid, I would watch watch other kids at the school playground, or at the beach, or wherever. Everyone seemed like they were having fun. I would watch from a distance, somewhere between hoping that I would get invited to join and scared that I actually would get invited. If they did invite me, then what? It looked so natural to so many, but I had no idea how to interact in group settings. I remember actually practicing things to say in advance (something I do to this day). Fortunately - or not - I rarely got included, so it didn't matter much. Not that I was being actively excluded or bullied or anything of the sort. Hell, they probably though I was being snobbish or aloof.
Throughout most aspects of my life, I have in large part kept to myself. This is not to say that I have not formed some strong friendships with some beautifully amazing people, I just never really developed the art of socializing. Not that I haven't wanted to from time to time, it just never came to pass. I have attended countless cycling or running events that involve hundreds and sometimes thousands of people. But once the event starts, I inevitably wind up riding or running by myself. I usually have a blast, but I manage to make a mass event a solo trek. When I moved into town, I had visions of having parties and entertaining in my new house. That of course never materialized. I have had four or five friends over throughout the years I have lived there. Even then, I manage to work myself up, stressing over "getting it right" - whatever that means. It is funny - because of the fact that I am a part time performing musician, a lot of people thing that I am naturally outgoing. Truth is, when the music stops, I get quiet as well.
An introvert? That is a popular term of late. Maybe. I don't know. Loner? OK. sure. If you say so. I am not a fan of one word labels - few things resolve that easy. I am sure that there is some official name or clinical diagnosis if you look hard enough. Most assuredly there is some sort of treatment or medication to make me better - at
my own expense - so I can be more conforming to social expectations or whatever
No thanks. I'll pass on all of that.
At the end of the day, not much has changed from those early days on the playground. Except for one thing. These days, I am good with it. After fifty six years, I am at peace with whatever brings me peace. I have some amazing friends that accept me for me. When my life intersects others in a limited fashion - it is fine. But I have no interest in forcing anything anymore. I am good with me.
And Basil, you are the good boy!! Now, lets go throw the ball, buddy!
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