All that sounds great from a trendy feel good standpoint, and perhaps with regard to dealing with excessive self pride or ego it offers a balancing counterpoint. But all that stuff only goes so far before it becomes a concerning liability. By disclosing your vulnerabilities, you also provide opportunity for others to leverage that information for their benefit with total disregard to your well being. This is a lesson I have had to learn on multiple occasions over the past several years.
During my journey with cancer, I have attempted to be an open book and communicate all the aspects of what is going on. The treatments, the side effects, the toll on my physical well being, as well as the emotional roller coaster. I have felt that I owed that to my friends, family, and close inner circle. I still feel that way to an extent, but not entirely.
You see, I have been off all treatments for almost a year, which means that my mind is once again clear and on point, and not trying to think through the fog of drug therapies. My day to day personal life is also more grounded than it has been in several years. Those two things combined give me a pretty damn good vantage point from where to reflect on the past and make the necessary course corrections going forward.
As I continue down my road, in intend to me much more conservative about what information I share. I will no doubt stumble. But it won't be heard. I will be scared, but I will not blink. I will cry, but a tear will not be seen upon my cheek. I will not reveal to others the true side effects of my journey only for them to attempt to gaslight me with that very same information.
My travels going forward are mine and mine alone. Sure, I will continue this blog. I will provide updates to those who ask - much like a field general would update the media. Hard core facts will be very limited and accessible by only a select few. For everyone else, "I'm fine".
Toxic? nope, just necessary. Masculine? not hardly, just tactically prudent.
My father had a saying. "Be like a duck". Meaning, no matter how aggressively a duck is paddling in the water, it always appears calm and collected on the surface as it glides through the water.
So when is it OK to let your guard down?
Never.
And about that toxic masculinity crap? You can take that bullshit and flush it right down the fucking toilet.There is absolutely nothing toxic or wrong with walking tall or being a man.
I will say it again.
Never. Let. Your. Guard. Down.
