Hairy Legs

Last Sunday morning, I decided to go down to the clubhouse pool and get in a few laps before breakfast. afterwards, while I was drip-drying in the early sun and enjoying the last of my water, I noticed my legs. And the remaining droplets of water clinging onto the hairs as the sunlight reflects off of them. Over the past year or so, I have noticed my leg hair, much like the rest of my body hair, slowly return after coming off of lupron almost two years ago.
Prior to my diagnosis of prostate cancer, I had always been one of those hairy guys. Legs, chest, and yes, unfortunately, my back as well. But as most of us that are on this journey know, the treatments have a way of making body hair go away. I was no different. A year of hormone therapy took it's follical toll pretty much everywhere. Now, I am more than aware that compared to all the horrendous things lupron does, loss of body hair is down right trivial. OK, fine.  But it is one of the outward signs of what is going on with your body that is pretty hard to mask or hide, and can be somewhat emasculating, despite it's relative lack of importance.
I recall how I felt after stopping the hormones, and the testosterone started coming back. It felt like I was coming back alive. I joked at the time that in many ways, it was like puberty all over again (minus the acne). Things were definitely happening. Returning hair being just one. But it was a welcome sight - even the back hair - well sorta - which I will admit to shaving that a few times so as not to look like a wooly mammoth at the pool or beach.
But the same returning testosterone that bolstered my self image also awoke and fueled the remaining cancer inside of me. And because of that, I am now scheduled to restart lupron in a week or so. The good thing is having been on it before, I know what to expect and have a general idea of how to combat some it's side effects. The bad thing is, well, I know exactly what to expect, because I have been there before. I guess that is why it was on my mind Sunday morning. As the effects of once again depleting my testosterone start taking effect, the hair on my legs will no doubt follow suite and thin out into extinction. And this time is for good.
It's almost comical, isn't it? I am talking with the doctors about distant metastasis, possible chemotherapy, radiation, and clinical trials. I am good with any and all of that - whatever it takes to kick this can further down the road and to continue to enjoy life, yet I am all hung up on leg hair. Such a crazy stupid little thing to whine about considering the reality of what I am up against. I get that, and in many ways feel pretty stupid even saying anything about it. But there it is. In all it's infinitesimal size and glory, it is representative of the changes that lye ahead. One of the few outwardly noticeable things that are indicative of what is going on inside.
When all is said and done, I am thankful for my "second puberty" - my time off of treatment. I got an opportunity to appreciate all aspects of normalcy once more. Something that many of my brothers in this journey didn't get. It was great while it lasted. As this time draws to a close, I will walk tall and proud, and rock the hell out of my bare-ass legs every step of the way. Hell, many elite athletes in cycling, running, swimming, and bodybuilding go to a lot of trouble to shave all of their hair. Then, there is that whole "man-scaping" craze. I will have a leg up on any of those endeavors I choose to pursue.
I guess it is all about perspective.
But it was nice while it lasted.
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